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Thu, May. 20th, 2010, 07:18 am
Basil Makes a Tough Show Business Decision

I had to make a tough call yesterday, but making that call revealed a new, healthy personal boundary. I don't seem to develop healthy personal boundaries on purpose; rather I practice some new principles of living, and a new personal boundary emerges like a monolith out of the sand.

Well, waddaya know. Another monolith.

We had a guitarist respond to our ad for the last spot in the Deathbillies lineup. About an hour before rehearsal, he sends e-mail that he has car trouble and has to drive his wife to work. I understand: unknown events overcome all of us.

The auditioner shows up near the end of rehearsal and we rush through his audition songs. I asked him to come back the following week, and he agrees. Our bass player liked the auditioner's playing, so I look forward to giving the guy a fair hearing.

The day of rehearsal, the auditioner e-mails me that he can't come because he has become overwhelmed by known events: his wife's birthday and Mother's Day celebrations for his wife and mother. I tell him I understand, and that he can audition again later.

Then I change my mind and decide that he's never coming back. Not out of any negative emotional response, but because I discovered a healthy boundary of keeping promises, full disclosure of threats to the promises I've made, and respecting other people's time.

A year ago I might have made the same decision, but with the coping skills character defects of blame, resentment or self-righteousness.

Turns out I can protect my own without drawing blood. Fancy that.

Thu, May. 20th, 2010 11:43 am (UTC)
jaine_parr

If this guy is flaking on an audition because he didn't check his schedule, what would he do for a gig? Or would he suddenly become reliable? Not likely.

Thu, May. 20th, 2010 08:43 pm (UTC)
basilwhite

EXACTLY.