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Wed, Jun. 15th, 2005, 05:35 pm
"As Seen on TV" store, Gatlinburg, TN

I was in Tennessee, I went to the "As Seen on TV" store, all the cool inventions they sell on TV, turnip twaddlers, the meat magician.

I call my girlfriend long distance. "I'm at the "As Seen on TV" store, whaddaya want me to get?" "Um, how 'bout some therapy?"

I was all excited 'til I walked inside. You see actresses on TV, they look hot, but you meet 'em in person and they're not anything you'd wanna bring home? Same thing.

Left the store empty-handed. Drivin' out, it hit me, I went to a store to not buy stuff I could have not bought from the comfort of my living room. Store was filthy, smelled like an ashtray, fulla alcoholics and screaming children. It's just like shopping from home. They've brought the home shopping experience back into the store.

Wed, Jun. 15th, 2005 09:41 pm (UTC)

I miss Gatlinburg.

Especially this time of year.

Wed, Jun. 15th, 2005 10:08 pm (UTC)

There's one o' them there stores in Fair Oaks, too.

I felt pretty much the same way when I was there.

Thu, Jun. 16th, 2005 01:25 am (UTC)

"I call my girlfriend long distance."

Did you get a divorce after your surgery?
(Deleted comment)

Thu, Jun. 16th, 2005 08:08 pm (UTC)

This joke?

My neighborhood has a lotta closeout stores, sell the leftovers from other stores. Right next to each other: MacFrugal's, Pic & Save, Big Lots.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Big Lots experience, it's like Wal-Mart. For circus freaks. Inbred armless children, floppin' up the aisle, pickin' up toys with their mouth. Mom's beatin' the kids with her flippers (circus music).

Products are different. Instead of Fantastik window cleaner, Big Lots window cleaner's called Fabulous. And I'm not quite sure how they make tormato ketchup. But it's red, and it works. I think that's what's really important.

I got a gallon of 2% mlik. To go on my cereal, Regular K. Expiration date is never. Fabulous. Regular K made me irregular, though, so I had to get some Preparation G.