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Mon, Sep. 26th, 2005, 09:28 am
Performance appraisal

-----Original Message-----
>From: Ken
>To: Basil
>Subject: Self Assessment

>...if you want, you can submit to me input for your annual performance appraisal.



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From: Basil
To: Ken

In the last performance appraisal year, I have accomplished the following milestones.

• Information Security Officer training and certification
• Project Management Professional Training, George Washington University Master’s Certificate, and PMI.org Project Management Professional Certification
• Contracting Officer Representative training and certification, assumption of formal COTR responsibility
• Drafting of Statement of Work, presentation and coordination of Change Control Board Approval, and Contracting Official approval for project enhancement
• Entry, award and study in Department's leadership training program

...This year, I became a certified project-managing contract monitor with a Federal badge. I mourn for our nation.

Tue, Sep. 27th, 2005 01:38 am (UTC)

To: All FEMA Staff
From: Basil White, Alternate Reality FEMA Director

I want your notice as to how you are doing everyting in your power to move everything we have to the disaster site as fast as possible or your explanation as to why you are not doing so on my desk in an hour.

Tue, Sep. 27th, 2005 07:11 am (UTC)

To: Basil White, Alternate Reality FEMA Director
From: Cary Abend, Alternate Reality FEMA IT Contractor

I don't like getting my feet wet, and moisture ruins the fiber couplings.

At the present time, we have 100% connectivity to all remote sites in the disaster area, but we've run into some unexpected hardware issues for those sites not using wireless technologies. It appears that the cotton string we issued with the tin cans did not meet the spec we ordered and transmits vibrations when wet at too low a frequency for the acoustic couplers to acquire. The contract stipulates the the supplier will replace the string with fishing line without additional cost.

As a secondary consideration, we are working with the acoustic coupler vendor to improve the available bandwidth to connected sites. We've been monitoring complaints about the jerkiness of real-time videoconferencing over a 3b/s cotton fiber line.

We expect to have full operational capacity within 72 hours after we learn to swim.

Tue, Sep. 27th, 2005 05:02 pm (UTC)

Dammit, make those tin cans SING!