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Mon, Oct. 24th, 2005, 03:28 pm
Violence, voting and the illusion of choice

People from foreign countries ask me why Americans are so violent. I tell 'em if you're trying to be an American, and you're not pissed off, you're not doing it right. Every year I gotta vote for some new @$$h01e. I vote in every election. For a very simple reason. Democracy is based on the human desire to have the illusion of choice.

I have to believe the illusion, 'cos that what keeps me from takin' a rifle to the mall. The ballot or the bullet! I say the illusion of choice, 'cos I don't see a connection between who gets elected and what happens afterward. "Well, we elected a Democrat, now we can finally stick it to the man!" Think again. "Well, we elected a Republican, now we can restore some dignity to the White House." Nice try.

I swear to God, some early November Morning I'll be in a polling booth at an old, rundown public school, brushing the asbestos crumbs outta my eyebrows, and the ballot will have two boxes: Coke and Pepsi. That's the day I'll write in my candidate. Mister Bullet. It's time for a change.