I miss the good old days. The Middle Ages. Every thirty years or so, the King of England would get bored and burn Paris to the ground. Oh, happy day. "Hey, general, fetch me King Louis' head on a stick. I'll stay here and play poker and try to invent the sandwich."
All the good time-wasters are dying out. Ethnic hatred, comic books, ballroom dancing. You can't even make prank phone calls anymore. They star-69 ya. So I do the next best thing. I write disturbing messages in the yellow pages in hotel rooms. Businessman checks into my hotel room, looks up "escort service", in big letters: "GOD IS WATCHING YOU." He avoids the clap, I have a hobby. Or take a hot shower and use your finger to write on the bathroom mirror. Next guy gets outta the shower, big letters - "I SAW WHAT YOU DID." You gotta make your own fun.