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Tue, Oct. 25th, 2005, 12:51 pm
Gimme a war I can feel.

When I think of laughter and good times, two topics come to mind: global warfare and organized religion. Real knee-slappers. Wars these days are about religion. Which is funny, because I always hoped if we went to war it would be over something I give a shit about, like porno, or the McRib Sandwich. I believe in God, but religion is way down the list of things I'd go to war over. Down there with Britney Spears and artificial sweetener. Oh, you laugh now, in 30 years we'll be pinnin' medals on soldiers for fightin' the Splenda wars. Yellow versus blue.

I miss the good old days. The Middle Ages. Every thirty years or so, the King of England would get bored and burn Paris to the ground. Oh, happy day. "Hey, general, fetch me King Louis' head on a stick. I'll stay here and play poker and try to invent the sandwich."

All the good time-wasters are dying out. Ethnic hatred, comic books, ballroom dancing. You can't even make prank phone calls anymore. They star-69 ya. So I do the next best thing. I write disturbing messages in the yellow pages in hotel rooms. Businessman checks into my hotel room, looks up "escort service", in big letters: "GOD IS WATCHING YOU." He avoids the clap, I have a hobby. Or take a hot shower and use your finger to write on the bathroom mirror. Next guy gets outta the shower, big letters - "I SAW WHAT YOU DID." You gotta make your own fun.

Tue, Oct. 25th, 2005 05:06 pm (UTC)
bella_peligrosa

Thank you, thank you, thank you for filling my unlaughable morning with something to giggle about.

Tue, Oct. 25th, 2005 07:19 pm (UTC)
basilwhite

Thank you for your thank you! send me your ZIP code at basilwhite a@t basilwhite doO0tT Coo0Om and I'll guestlist you for shows.

Tue, Oct. 25th, 2005 05:44 pm (UTC)
dancetomato

1. Now I want a McRib, damn you!
2. Yellow vs. blue? How about pink? You are a sweetener bigot, and we pink users are marginalized.
3. So *you're* the one who marked up those yellow pages. I couldn't read the number for AAA AAAALways Naked, and had to settle for AA AAAlways Naked. Which is clearly not as good.

Tue, Oct. 25th, 2005 05:54 pm (UTC)
(Anonymous)

Aaahhh... McRib...

www.mcrib.com

Tue, Oct. 25th, 2005 07:28 pm (UTC)
basilwhite

1. MMMMMcRib. They tease us with their withholding of the McRib.
2. Pink is established. Yellow and Blue are latecomers with something to prove.
3. Aaaaaaaalphabet aaaaaaabuse aaaaaaannnngers aaaaanyone.

ZIP code to basilwhite aA@tT basilwhite doO0t coO0m for show alerts
(Deleted comment)

Wed, Oct. 26th, 2005 06:45 pm (UTC)
basilwhite

Nah, that's dead. I have something coming up at the Improv -- http://www.basilwhite.com -- or she can send her ZIP code to basilwhite a@atT basilwhite doO0t coO0mm and I'll put her on the special list.

Tue, Oct. 25th, 2005 08:39 pm (UTC)
sistrmoon

I've been vegetarian for 6 years and I STILL crave McRib.

Tue, Oct. 25th, 2005 09:48 pm (UTC)
silvarbelle: *howling with laughter*

I miss the good old days. The Middle Ages. Every thirty years or so, the King of England would get bored and burn Paris to the ground. Oh, happy day. "Hey, general, fetch me King Louis' head on a stick. I'll stay here and play poker and try to invent the sandwich."

This...? Is SO gonna be made into an icon. You just wait and see.

*giggles uncontrollably*

Wed, Oct. 26th, 2005 01:40 pm (UTC)
basilwhite: Re: *howling with laughter*

That would rock my world.

ZIP code to basilwhite aA@tT basilwhite doO0t coO0m for show alerts