In case you can't get enough me.
1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: *-* Disemboweling and ritual sacrifice, that's so 80's.
2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? *-* IKEA bookshelf. Love the Swedes and their semi-disposable furniture. Found out what IKEA means. It's Swedish for "Wal-Mart."
3: What is the last thing you watched on TV? *-* "Home Movies," the cartoon on Cartoon Network. Hides its genius better than any comedy I've experienced in any medium outside of Shakespeare. Review at http://us.imdb.com/user/ur0063563/comments.
4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is: *-* 1:22PM
5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: *-* 2:25 PM. 13 years after moving away, I guess I'm still on Memphis time.
6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? *-* My woman talking to her friend in the dining room while they make jewelry and complain about their men. Many men wouldn't enjoy hearing this. They're idiots.
7: When did you last step outside? *-* When I swept the house for recycling and garbage and took it out an hour ago. The more dirty chores I do, the more time and energy my woman has for sodomy. Everybody wins.
8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at? *-* My mail. I am hammered flat by spam 'cos like an idiot I had mailto: links on my comedy website for years. Duh.
9: What are you wearing? *-* Black Hanes pocket t-shirt, black jeans, crappy digital watch 'cos it's got a big stopwatch display for the stage, rings my woman gave me, these cool kung fu shoes from the thrift store, red boxer briefs (my "foundation garment"), black soccer referee-style tube socks.
10: Did you dream last night? *-* No.
11: When did you last laugh? *-* I'm laughing right now. Laughing all day long, shopping for beads with my honey, dropping Quizno's subs on the restaurant floor, spreading Basil seeds of joy.
12: What is on the walls of the room you are in? *-* drafts of writing stapled and attached to the wall with painter's tape (doesn't leave a mark, works anywhere, &%$# corkboard.)
13: Seen anything weird lately? *-* http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/14/ reminds me more of me than anything else on the web, including my autobiography.
14: What do you think of this quiz? *-* This quiz lifts up your skirt and touches you all over.
15: What is the last film you saw? *-* Hellboy.
16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? *-* A college.
17: Tell me something about you that I don't know: *-* I have rejected every offer of sex on the road because I only desire fat chicks and close friends of mine. I reject the skinnies.
18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? *-* I'd change the world economy so that trade agreements were tied to fair wages and working conditions.
19: Do you like to dance? *-* I dance all the time. When I've done my emotional self-care, I can hear the rhythm of everything, and sync myself to heartbeats and breathing and windshield wipers and traffic.
20: George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or someone who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years? *-* Too ignorant to be power-crazy. Just a lucky redneck jarhead. Nothing I can do about him 'til Nov. 8.
21: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? *-* well, considering my vasectomy, either "bastard," or "Houdini."
21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? *-* William. 'Cos it is.
22: Would you ever consider living abroad? *-* Hell no. I like my Americanism and America, and I respect foreigners too much to inflict my extroverted intensity on them.
23: Will you pass on this survey? *-* No. I resent that I get these in my e-mail every day. I enjoy getting them in this medium.
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