Basil White's WeirdStupidHardScary for Today. Feel free to add your own.
I was in the grocery store buying food. 'Cos that's where you go. And I need food, unless you're Dr. Phil. Then I'm an addict.
Dr. Phil:"Think of the money you could save if you would quit."
So I'm in the grocery store, getting' my fix. And the yogurt section is empty. 10,000 cups of yogurt have dwindled down to four. I didn't want yogurt before, now I'm willing to kill for it. I buy two cups. Half the town's yogurt supply. I'm not selfish. I buy all the yogurt, word gets around. People driving by my house at night. "There's the yogurt hoarder." Leave a burning churn on my lawn. Old people need yogurt to poop. They're an angry bunch. I don't care. Grandma can poop tomorrow. "Mmm, blueberry. This is rare." Now every time I'm in the store, I check the yogurt supply. I just wanna know it's there. I don't buy it, I protect my right to have it.
Then I realized: what if the store deliberately ran out of yogurt, to inflate demand? "Hey, Charlie, the yogurt's not movin'. Let's create a yogurt embargo." And I keep fallin' for it. I just hope there's never a shortage of tampons. I'll have a lotta explainin' to do. "Honey, they were running out. These are for you." "You're a Mormon. These are for your other family." "Honey, please. I have an addiction. I have a tampon problem."
Feel free to add your own WeirdStupidHardScary.