basilwhite (basilwhite) wrote,
basilwhite WeirdStupidHardScary for Today

Basil White's WeirdStupidHardScary for Today. Feel free to add your own.

Weird: I don't watch CNN or Fox News. I get my news from Comedy Central. And my comedy from the Christian Broadcasting Network. I don't know what's funnier, Pat Robertson selling his psychopathic senile delusional snake oil of intolerance and hate, masquerading as Christianity, or, that people believe it. I pray on that one. "Tell me, Lord. Tell me Pat Robertson is your idea of a sick joke, you cooked up on a late night bender with Gabriel and the other angels." "Hey, Gabriel, watch this. (mic) Pat, this is God. Toast is the devil's breakfast food. Say that on the air." Next day on CBN - "Brothers and sisters, I have removed the toaster from our Christian household. For I follow His voice."

Stupid: And Robert Tilton's even scarier. Pat and Robert are like competing wrestling federations, tryin' to out-freak each other. The World Christian Federation and World Championship Christianity. "Can you smell what the Rock of Ages is cookin'?"

Hard: I'm waitin' for Robert Tilton to get senile. He'll give Pat a run for his money. "Friends, the invisible spiders are crawlin' all over me. Fillin' every orifice in my body, with their unholy eggs of secular humanism. Unless we raise a million dollars, to send me to Mexico, where peyote farmers will anoint me with their precious oil of healing."

Scary: I'm watchin' this, thinkin', "Wow. God has great writers. Simpsons got nothin' on God." Divine producer of the tv show we call reality. "Tonight on God's Bloopers and Practical Jokes, Jimmy Swaggart." (God) "Do jumping jacks." (Jimmy doing jumping jacks) "I am the temple of the Lord." Must-see tv.

Feel free to add your own WeirdStupidHardScary.

Tags: alternative comedy, comedy, comedy writing, online comedy

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