basilwhite (basilwhite) wrote,

Basil White's WeirdStupidHardScary for Today WeirdStupidHardScary for today. Feel free to add your own.

I watch cartoons. They're the smartest shows on television. Why? Because old people don't watch them. Old people keep television stupid. 'Cos they write letters. "That swimsuit on Survivor was too revealing. Law and Order confuses me." Here's the trick. If a nurse in an old folks' home would set the tv to the channel you're watching, change the channel. You'll never see Bea Arthur or Geraldo Rivera again. You'll be better off.

Stick to the Holy Trinity: horror movies, Bugs Bunny and Ultimate Fighting Championship. They will help you survive. Say you're in the woods. Your friend leaves the campfire to pee. You hear a scream. What do you do? You get in your car and drive away. You wanna be the survivor at the end of the movie.

Or say you're in the Outback, pursued by a hungry Tasmanian Devil. What do you do? You go in the trading post, buy a dress, and a mop. Put on the dress. PUT IT ON. Put the mop on your head. And seduce the Tasmanian Devil with your feminine charms. When he lies down to take your poon, use the snake punch move from Ultimate Fighting Championship and sweep out his throat. Or keep watchin' Andy Griffith. Maybe Aunt Bee'll come over and distract him with hot apple pie. We're all prayin' for ya.

Feel free to add your own WeirdStupidHardScary.

Tags: comedy writers, comedy writing, creative writing

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