basilwhite (basilwhite) wrote,

If you tip a stoner, the terrorists have already won.

When we get pizza, I go and pick it up. I don't like to have them deliver it, 'cos stoners drive really slow.

One time Aimee had 'em deliver it, and the delivery guy had bloodshot eyes, big ol' grin on his face, bent over, smellin' the rosebush. I think he baked the pizza on the way to my house. (Inhale; blow in pizza box). Aimee gives him the money, he keeps standin' there. "Thanks. Oh, right, see ya."

Aimee was mad. "Why do you buy pizza from stoners?" Look, I know that tipping a stoner funds illegal drugs and supports terrorism, but stoners make really good pizza. They take their time. They get at eye level with the pizza. They pat the cheese on it really gently with both hands.

Stoners are proud of their pizza, 'cos they get the munchies, then they make the munchies, which help other stoners, and perpetuate the stoner economy. They come to your house with a big smile. "I made this. I took raw ingredients and brought food into the universe for you. Can I have some?" Silly stoner. Get your own! My eyes are watering just from telling you that joke.
Tags: comedy writing, online comedy, standup comedy

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