October 11th, 2005


Bush Addresses the Nation to Defend Firebombing of Smurfs

Bush Addresses the Nation to Defend Firebombing of Smurfs

Good evening. Before I take your questions, let me speak with the American people about the situation on the ground.

This has been a tough week in Smurf Village. Smurfalition forces have encountered heavy violence. Some remnants of Gargamel's regime, along with Smurfbollah militants, have attacked coalition forces in the Smurf Village, incited by radical cleric Jokey Smurf. Jokey has assembled an illegal militia, and supports terrorist groups like Smurfas and Smurfbollah.

Most Smurf Villages, by far, reject violence and oppose Smurftatorship. The Smurf Governing Council wants their Smurfdependence, and they want the freedom to Smurf as they choose. Smurfvereignty will be placed where it belongs: in Smurfy hands.

Smurfs must assume responsibility for their own Smurfdependence. Smurfalition forces are allowing members of the Smurf Governing Council to restore central Smurfority. Papa Smurf is communicating with the insurgents to ensure an orderly Smurfover. Jokey Smurf must answer the charges against him and disband his illegal Smurflitia.

When the flag of free Smurf Village is raised, Smurfs will assume full responsibility for the affairs of Smurfvernment. On that day, a new Smurfstitution and bill of Smurfs will take full effect.

According to the schedule already approved by the Smurf Governing Council, Smurfs will hold Smurflections in a national Smurferendum to elect a permanent government -- an event that will mark the completion of Smurf transition from Smurftatorship to Smurfdependence. 17 of NATO's 26 members are contributing forces to maintain Smurfcurity.

Neighboring villages are also responsible to make their region more stable. The Deputy Secretary of State is discussing our common interest in a free Smurfdom with the Bugaloos and the Snorks. Coalition forces are there to help protect the Smurfs from external aggression and internal Smurfbotage.

Smurfdependence is vital because Smurfs have as much right to live in freedom as we do. A free Smurf Village will stand as an example to Witchypoo, Snidely, and other cartoon dictators throughout the region.

Now is the time, and Smurf Village is the place, in which the enemies of the Smurfilized world are testing our will. We must not waver.

Smurf you all. - -- Basil White basilwhite AT basilwhite DO0t c0Om - - send ZIP Code for daily feed

Bob Saget: man of the ages.

When I get depressed about the struggles of comedy, I think of the story about a young man who took the train from Philadelphia to New York City to audition at The Improv over and over again until he finally performed for an an agent. That agent pitched him for a show that passed on him but finally gave him a second look after the original actor didn't work out.

That man, boys and girls, is Bob Saget. And now you know the rest of the story.