May 20th, 2009


I am able to depend on myself more than anyone else

Today's random affirmation: I am able to depend on myself more than anyone else.

I dreamed last night that I was in Safeway and I saw the top boss of my organization, and he offered me a job. I would call that my first Cinderella story dream. If I dream about people rescuing me maybe I need to rescue myself.

Tonight I meet my music director and ask him to post his own ad for the Deathbillies auditions. If we don't get nibbles a week before the audition I'm gonna cancel it and apply to join someone else's band. I gotta create if I want to stay happy and sane. I tried to make my day job creative and I failed to pitch my ideas as means for my chain of command to avoid blame or look good, so looking twice at my day job to apply my creativity fits my definition of insanity.

Goin' to a party 6/6. I've tried to accept invitations for social interactions and let other people take the lead to interact with me. I have found that if I spend 11 years declining people's invitations to social events to work on comedy, people stop inviting me to their social events. I have also discovered that people at work who ask me "how's it going?" don't want any details. I don't want to bother folks. I'll just keep sending holiday cards with my contact information to my estranged relatives and let the burden of estrangement sit on them.

My dad's birthday is in a few days: I want to send him Man's Search for Meaning. I entered my notes about the book into Scribilus. I think Dad'll enjoy the book: ironically, he needs the book less than anyone I know.

Cutting down the Wii Fit to 2 exercises per category seems to set a balance of exercise I can feel the next day, with no dread of working out every day. The absence of orthopedic pain rivals orgasm.