I also thought about how I've feared enjoying the moment and how that fear may have held me back from a lot of joy and learning. I also think that fear has screwed up how I relate to people.
I take everything personally. When people are dissatisfied with something I've done or failed to do, I hear that they're dissatisfied with me personally, and I wonder if they're better off not having me around. I also have ongoing dread about what I'm gonna do or fail to do next that's going to cause someone to give evidence that they're dissatisfied with me personally. I don't know the difference between judgments of my behavior and judgments of me.
I'm gonna enjoy the moment today as my homework. For today, enjoy the moment is my goal and my answer to the universe. I'm looking forward to the learning and joy of the moments that enjoying the moment will lead me.
How not to take * personally