basilwhite (basilwhite) wrote,
basilwhite
basilwhite

Rules Of Friendship Evidence

I spent a lot of my childhood figuring out how to get people to tolerate me. Now I feel tolerated all the time and I can't stand it. I'm angry and judgmental about people's interactions with me, and I take everything personally, because I'm weighing all the stimulus I get to determine if this person likes me or tolerates me.

I'm blind to other people's feelings about me, and I'm no longer willing to accept that blindness. I've thought about what other people do that convinces me they like me: invitations and testimony. I trust that people like me if they ask me to spend time with them or spontaneously give me an example of why they like me. Otherwise I suspect their feelings. I don't think people are out to get me or concealing hatred, I think people are out to be left alone and concealing their disinterest.

I've been trying to apply my own rules of friendship evidence to myself by inviting people I like to spend time with me and making an effort to tell people why I like them. It's fun.
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