Men, you think women have stabbed you in the back? Most men don't know what backstabbing is. Next time you're at a bar, find a group of women and spy on their conversation. When men aren't around, the ladylike demeanor disappears and the gloves are off. "Karen's 20 minutes late. Bitch does this every time. So she can make her big entrance in her Prada shoes, makin' that alimony check work for her. No surprise she can't keep a man. Shocker! Oh, here she comes, Sshh! Hi, Karen! You look great! Love the shoes." And that's just a five on the scale of aggression. I didn't even use the C-word, which I've heard women drop like necklaces at Mardi Gras. "C U next Tuesday." Toss toss toss.
Of course women take an hour to get dressed. Women don't get dressed. Men get dressed. Women deploy for war. Wardrobe is arranged, makeup is distributed, chemical agents are strategically implemented and jewelry's put into service. They come downstairs, you don't recognize your little soldier. 'Cos she's in battle mode. When you compliment your lady's appearance, you're supporting the warfighter. In the car, she briefs you on the mission. "We're going in, making an appearance, and turning around. Don't ask about what happened to the sports car. That's classified." You're thinking, "Oh, my god, I'm going to dinner with Donald Rumsfeld." That's why Donald Rumsfeld is the man, 'cos he thinks like a woman.
Sometimes women go on solo mission. When my wife goes alone to a Sunday tea party, I wear a yellow ribbon. Until she returns home safe. While she's deployed, I take the opportunity to become more independent and learn some coping skills, like which machine uses which kind of soap. Women come home from the tea party changed. You gotta cope with that post-traumatic stress. Help her reestablish her place in the home. Rubbin' her feet, she's got that battle-hardened, thousand-mile stare. Doesn't look me in the eye. I let her talk about what happened at her own pace. "That bitch Karen talked about her Prada shoes for 30 minutes, then Susan dropped the bomb about her hot date with her Pilates coach." Let her decompress, just listen and be available. Your little trooper needs love and understanding. Give your woman what she needs. Support and logistics. It's the toughest job in the Army.
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