I like hiring undocumented workers to fix my house and mow my lawn, 'cos the Irish were enslaved, starved to death, murdered for their land, and refused employment, and dammit, it's our turn to feel special. Sure, you shouldn't lift yourself up by putting someone down, but nothing else has worked. Except for A.A. A.A. is great, if you wanna be sober. Livin' in your dream world. "I'm sober and I'm happy." See, there's your problem. Denial. Don't be sober. Be yourself.
Or at least act drunk. Do us all a favor. You don't have to do drugs to have a good time. That's why I want to go to schools and teach children how to pretend to be stoned. 'Cos that's most of the joy and you save a lotta money.
Go to work on Monday. Rub the palms of your hands on your eyeballs, so they're all bloodshot, and act baked all day. Eat a huge lunch. You take the piss test on company time, beats workin'. Plus you're a decoy for all the stoners at work. Manager doesn't see them tokin' in the boys' room, 'cos he's watchin' you laughing at your hand opening and closing. Just say no to drugs. And yes to irresponsible behavior. You can do it. (snort) Power of imagination.