When I joined a task force last June to fix Walter Reed hospital, I stopped writing and performing comedy. Two months ago the task force no longer held my weekends and evenings hostage, so I started meeting every Monday night in the comedy club to write. I haven't performed on stage yet. I don't want to.
I thought I might ask a booker for a thirty-minute spot for a few months from now to use the pending gig as motivation to craft a show and practice. But I don't want to craft a show or practice. The work is not fun.
I realize my relationship with comedy is like my former creative relationships with science fiction writing or poetry, work I attempted to create even though I don't patronize those genres as a customer. I had a few comedy albums as a kid, but I never wanted to be a comedian, and it shows. Don't run a chicken shack if you don't eat chicken.
Something's changed. It feels insincere to write, perform or teach comedy. I don't enjoy it anymore, and I'm not a fan. What I miss about comedy is the panic to create new jokes, which drove me to write something creative every day. But I no longer need comedy to write creatively every day; I'm writing creatively in this moment as I write this. All I have to do is click my ruby-colored Blackberry and I'm right back in the Kansas of creative purpose.
So I started thinking about what creative work I consume, thinking I could create in the genre I consume and feel like less of a fraud. The only creative work I consume every day is music. I don't think I have an inborn talent for music, but I'd rather create bad music I enjoy listening to than create works in a genre I don't patronize.
I don't know where I go from here. Maybe music lessons. People keep asking me when I'm going to perform again and I haven't had the courage to tell them I am no longer willing to sell food I don't eat.
What do you think? Opinions/insights or GTFO.