basilwhite (basilwhite) wrote,

Rule One of a happy relationship: Don't ask Basil White for advice

People ask me for relationship advice. I don't know why. Regardless of the question, the best response I can give seems to follow one or both of the following concepts:

A) Primates do what the environment reinforces them to do, and avoid what the environment discourages them from doing. Asking what your partner wants, and demonstrating effort to deliver it reinforces them to 1) tell you what they want, and 2) bring their wants to you instead of someone else. Duh.

B) The heart can't read a bank balance. Reproductive organs don't care how well you mow the lawn. Happiness doesn't pay the rent. A partner can understand why you aren't meeting their needs, but that in no way meets or lessens the need. Rationalizing that your income, parenting or home maintenance covers for your partner's unmet physical or emotional needs is like showing a PowerPoint slide to a Neanderthal. Who's the fool?

And why do people ask *ME* for relationship advice? I'm the foolest fool in Foolsville.

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Tags: leave me alone, love, pair-bonding

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