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Thu, Apr. 1st, 2004, 09:25 am
April 1 Employee Evaluation

My boss asked me to evaluate my own performance. Here's his message.

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thursday, April 01 7:51 AM
To: White, Basil
Subject: Self Assessments</p>
Good morning!</p>

Well it’s April Fools Day, and that is the day a new rating period begins.</p>

I am requesting self assessments (when I was in the military, we used to call these "brag sheets").  They give me a good feel for how you view what you'er doing and they queue me in on the things that you have found important over the last year.</p>

Thanks in advance for your input!</p>

Here's my response.

Self-Assessment for Basil White 4/1/04:

I am mighty!   I have a glow you cannot see!   I plow through the earth radiating charm and goodwill in my wake!   I can read, and count, and lift heavy things!   The day of my world dominion is almost at hand!  

Important actions (in order):

  1)   Purchased island

  2)   Hired goons

  3)   Recruited and programmed followers (Thanks Toastmasters!)

April Fool,


Thu, Apr. 1st, 2004 02:42 pm (UTC)

Well if those accomplishments aren't worth bragging rights I don't know what are.

Happy April Fools!

Thu, Apr. 1st, 2004 06:00 pm (UTC)

nice! would be interested to see your resume, as well :-p

Happy April Fool's Day! (aka ma birfday :) )

Thu, Apr. 1st, 2004 06:52 pm (UTC)
basilwhite: Happy birthday!

Happy birthday! It's always April Fool's Day if you live right.

Here's my friend's April Fool's Employee Self-Assessment:

Self-Assessment for Scott 4/1/04:
I found the probe you buried in my leg. I was supposed to find that, right? I tore it out at my desk, using a letter opener and a document clam dispenser. Do you need to see it along with my review, or what?

Important Actions:
1) Stiched up the probe wound myself, thank you.
2) Stopped violently screaming at Mae everyday at 11:25 AM, on the dot. I think she finally got my "message." Check her review just to be sure, boss.
3) Found God - put him back where I found Him so others can play with Him, too. Sharing is Caring.
4) Now regularly applying lip balm to my sucking, exposed stomach wound.

Because you asked, here's my resume that I send with press kits:

Basil White is a cruise director on a happy trip to Freak World. He lives on a planet no one wants to move to, but everyone wants to visit. He's an actor in movies and television, and a finalist in the Comedy League of America national tournament. You may have seen him on NBC's "Homicide: Life on The Streets." Seeing Basil is like watching a mental patient's case file presented in cartoon form. Basil makes fun of emotional highs and lows in a way that people cherish, remember, and share with their buddies. Basil explores the dilemmas of life in a funny, entertaining way, making audiences laugh at their own weird, crazy, scary humanity. Join him on a brave adventure to a world of emotional dysfunction.